Saturday, November 28, 2009

The Traffic Theory

More than half the people around me have no idea what they are going to do with their lives as doctors. They are doing and will do what others are doing, what seniors have done. I justify it by what i like to call "the traffic theory".. it is just a psychology that comforts you and helps you stay calm in times of introspection.. what it says is that since everyone who took the road I am planning to had a swift bump-less ride.. so will I!
Its been two and a half years since i have been associated with this profession..
When in the first year, I found studying dull.. back then maybe it was the subjects...
In the second, things didn't improve as much as I would have hoped.. this time it wasn't the subjects.. of that I am sure..
and thats when I realized that doing anything that everybody else is.. or anything that is not out of ordinary made me lose interest.. and unfortunately most of what one does in life is just that.

So then you might think, alright.. maybe she'll like the 'dealing with the patients' part as it comes along.. talking to them, treating them... Umm.. Here comes the scary part.. I don't think I like that either! Then what the hell am I doing in medical school?? I honestly have no idea!
Saw a movie today.. Patch Adams.. a good one.. it was this movie that stirred up the two year old silently purring uncertainty about me going in for this field.. I have always sucked at connecting with people... so if a doctor is supposed to be what's been portrayed in the movie... I am in deep shit!
so i guess now my life seems like a big mess up haan?? something, that might make many freak out and fret over all the time? But you won't find me doing any of that.. u know why?
The traffic theory!


Shaily Jain said...

May be i am too naive to make a comment here..but it seems that ur "Traffic theory" is applicable everywhere!!no matter what u do,u always feel that u could have opted for a much better choice.."The grass is always greener on the other side dear"..

I hate my field too..may be u can write a new blog on how people loathe the things around them..

Ashwini said...

Welcome to the club!! ;)
by the way, catchy name - traffic theory

Anay said...


Hi. This is Anay Shukla. I was your immediate senior at High School.

I am compelled to comment here because i have experienced the same emotions you are experiencing now. Every one does.

I simply wanted to tell you that every one has a destiny, but very few design it for themselves. If you think about it, you are living some one else's destiny.

But without wasting much space and energy, I come to my business. You need to know two things at this moment.

1. A poem: The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

2. You ought to read this book: Fountain Head by Ayn Rand.

May be i can squeeze in a third recommendation because i feel it suits you-

3. Poem: IF by Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

Don't waste your life Amruta. You appear special by the way you write. You can express emotions beautifully.

Yours duty bound senior,

Anay Shukla

alind billore said...

Nice one !!
Keep thinking, imagining and writing.

Alind Billore

Anonymous said...

cool theory... and you will become a doctor in future, but you already are an accomplished writer ! Good luck to you Dr. Amrita :)