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Showing posts from 2010

I run

I lay there in my bed.. wishing I had dealt with the things that I was avoiding for so long... I've drawn the sheets over my face to block any visual contact with this world. I've changed my posture for the hundredth time.. assuring myself that this one will help me doze off. I bury my face into the pillow with eyes shut tight. Nothing works. Uff! I switch on some music.. I try to pretend that the music has made me calmer... I wake up the next morning really cheered up. Why? I just dreamt  that the all my problems have been taken care of. The teacher i was supposed to meet two months ago for the project I am working on had himself walked to me and had assured me that all was well. No hard feelings. The bad marks i scored in the last test were all a big calculation mistake! The uncomfortable situation with my friend, was sorted out in a nice intelligent conversation. (Sometimes i even make up beautiful poems in my dreams... I am smarter asleep than awake i think!) It t

Defenseless deities

Everybody has a favorite color. Mine is red. Everybody has a favorite TV show. Mine is FRIENDS. Everybody has a favorite writer. Mine is Rowling. Likewise, everybody has a favorite God! This, I don’t have. It’s probably the lack of thorough reading of our mythology, that keeps me from picking my favorite. Whatever the reason may be, I beckon to him as somebody flawless, supreme, unseen.  Yet, there.  And that’s enough for me. I right, to please him. I avoid wrong to not displease him. And that disciplines my life. Flea-bitten my knowledge of mythology might be, but I always knew that Lord Krishna was a very practical man. Aren’t we all taught that means are as important as the ends?? (Wink wink at all Sewagramees!)… They were never so to him were they? Ram on the other hand was a Godlier figure. I liked him better. And so, predictably, I preferred Ramayana over Mahabharata. Yes, the fact that it is less complicated (though less interesting) was a contributory factor too! I saw Raj

Tryst with the dentist

I was 7 and in the dentist’s chair. My mom was right beside me. Encouraging and egging me on. The dentist was all sugar as she helped me into her chair. But I should have known better. She pushed into my gums something to help me not feel the pain later. It is ironic how painful this pain-relieving process was. And so, teary-eyed, I looked at her with disgust, at my mom with a how-could-you-do-this-to-me face and I ran.  As soon as I found that the two women around me were engrossed in their own little talk, I slipped off the chair and I ran all the way home without a backward glance.  I sat inside the house all day with a swollen gum (all thanks to the Cruella with needles) cursing the newly built-up courage that took me to her in the first place! I was 10 and in the dentist’s chair. My mom was right beside me, encouraging and egging me on. This time the dentist was a student. And not a smart one. He tried with all his might to pull out one of my canines.  Heavens know what prob

Emotional knapsack!

As I stare at the credits of another one of those happily ending romantics, all weepy and choky, I know that the next thirty minutes or so are going to be ecstatic! These thirty minutes for me are so emotionally charged, that I am very sure, I am floating at least a millimetre above the floor during them!  The reason for the strange positivity in the air, I know not. But as they tick by,  I forgive my mom for yelling at me. I thank god for the lovely weather. I laugh like an idiot over silly things. I suddenly know what the tattoo on my shoulder's going to be! I want to chat with my friends. I want to cook. I want to make my parents tea. I even picture Ashu and Shaily with kids!   It’s in these precious thirty that I am in such a high that classes, college, career mean trash. There is more to life than the tangibles. Love, friendship, trust, sacrifice, joy... they are all that matter! There are no inhibitions. No second thoughts. No holding back. No regard for "if I do th

Decrypting LiFe!

I only begin to find solace in confiding my uncertainties and sorrows to a friend and I realize that friendship means squat to him. I start seeing good in everybody and they start taking me for granted. I decide to go reckless, live in the moment... and a disapproving inner self would hold me back. Then the truth dawned upon me~ I wasn't very good at living life...!! In fact, I was a loser life wise..! Academics I can handle... par life ka kya??! So I went for some help. I figured plenty of wise men have left their trail of thoughts for people like me, to help us figure out the life's intricate complexities.  A great man in "the cookbook of English quotes" told me that trusting someone blindly would give me unparalleled joy, another wise one snorted a sarcastic "yeah, right!" at that, nullifying the peace the first guy had blessed me with, leaving me suddenly aware of the harsh realities of life... These men seemed to be disagreeing on nearly every po

Another blog? What about??

As I open the window to begin writing a new post, ten different ideas hit me! But then come the constraints~ some are too personal to share, some too offensive, and some so subjective that my own view regarding them could change the very next day rendering them "not fit" to be blogged about at the moment! I finally end up with nothing to write about! Tonight was one such night when i had the time and the mood to write. And as i ruled one idea after another, the strongest emotion at that point of time was my helplessness at not being able to come up with the "right idea"! And thats when i figured that this very feeling was it! You might not completely get me when i say i have multiple constraints that hold me back when writing a blog.. Here, let me help~ The ideas brimming at the top of my mind include how i feel about my friend's latest crush- shhhhh!; about the friend who betrayed me~ too personal!; about how much i hate our college's administration~ t